World-renowned popera singer Lim Hyung-joo (39) confessed his complicated feelings towards his mother.
Lim Hyung-joo will appear with his mother on the TV CHOSUN show 'Dad and Me Season 3' airing on the 14th. In this show, which deals with the stories of parents and children who can feel both close and distant from each other, Lim Hyung-joo also shares the grudges he has kept in his heart.
Lim Hyung-joo is the first Korean musician to sign a contract with one of the world's four major record labels and the youngest male vocalist to perform at Carnegie Hall, holding numerous records. He is also famous for receiving many presidential commendations from both Korea and the United States. Lim Hyung-joo has all the glamorous titles. However, what he truly wanted was something else.
In a teaser video released on the 7th, Lim Hyung-joo unexpectedly confessed, "The only person who doesn't acknowledge me is my mom. Since I couldn't get recognition from my mom, I worked so hard to participate in competitions and sought praise from my teachers."
Lim Hyung-joo reveals his complicated feelings towards his mother, saying, "There were times I hated her to death, and times I disliked her like an anti-fan." Ultimately, he expressed his disappointment to his mother, asking, "Aren't you proud to be 'Lim Hyung-joo's mom'?" and continued, "I hate that you are my mom. It is shameful to be born as a son under a woman like you. What on earth have I lived for?" and sobbed.
The mother who raised the world star Lim Hyung-joo is currently the CEO of his agency. The delicate relationship of being both mother and son, as well as CEO and artist. Lim Hyung-joo's mother reflects, "I think I raised him more strictly because I was worried he would look like a mama's boy," while feeling upset at Lim Hyung-joo's outcry, saying, "Did I raise him like that...?" As the preview became a hot topic, Lim Hyung-joo clarified on his SNS, saying, "I was in the past when I was immature."
Even children that everyone envies can show unstable behavior when they are not recognized by their parents. The desire to be acknowledged by parents does not disappear even in adulthood. What went wrong, and what should be done in such cases?
"I wanted to be recognized by my mom"
The desire to be acknowledged by parents is a natural psychological need formed from childhood, as parental love and acceptance are crucial for self-formation. If a child does not receive enough unconditional love and recognition from their parents, inner anxiety builds up, making them sensitive to others' evaluations. This originates from attachment theory, where critical and distant attitudes from parents distort self-esteem. In family-centered societies like Korean culture, this desire can manifest even more strongly.
Especially if one grew up in a culture where parents do not easily say, "You did well," the desire for recognition can remain strong into adulthood, leading to an obsession with achievement, anxiety, and relational conflicts. Excessive desire for recognition can lead to depression, anxiety, and relationship issues, causing individuals to sacrifice their own lives to meet parental expectations.
The moment "I was not recognized" becomes a warning sign
Psychologists view the parent-child relationship as the "earliest safe base." Attachment experiences formed from childhood influence emotional regulation, self-worth, and responses in close relationships even in adulthood, which is a core premise of adult attachment research. In particular, the answer to the question, "Am I a valuable person?" is often formed within the responses of parents.
People who feel a lack of parental recognition often sway between two extremes. First, if they have learned the rule that "if I achieve, I can be loved," they will continue to seek endless proof of their worth even as adults. This pattern can be motivating but often accompanies burnout and lethargy. Additionally, when the desire for recognition is unfulfilled, emotions can flow from 'disappointment → anger → disconnection.' Especially in family relationships, entangled love and hate can exacerbate conflicts.
‘Empathy’ more important than praise… What parents and children need
It is important not to try to eliminate the desire for recognition through the efforts of both parents and children, but to handle it healthily. The desire to be acknowledged by parents is natural. In such cases, it may sound like the solution is for parents to "give more praise," but in counseling and family psychology, the core is not simply saying, "You did well!" but rather the act of 'emotional validation' that acknowledges and understands the feelings, saying, "I can understand how you feel that way." Experts advise that in restoring the relationship between adult children and parents, conversations that 'validate' each other's feelings and positions are important.
▲Five practices parents can do
① Feelings first, evaluations later: Instead of saying, "But you did well," or "That’s enough," say, "You must have felt really lonely then," or "You felt unrecognized." This one sentence may not immediately reduce the child's 'approval need,' but it creates a sense of safety in the relationship.
② Instead of asking, "Why did you do that?" ask, "What did you need?": Questioning the cause invites defensiveness, while asking about needs creates connection. Questions like, "What would you have liked me to say then?" or "What can I do for you now?" are key questions that shift the conversation to adult-to-adult dialogue.
③ Ask for permission before giving advice: If you throw advice at adult children directly, they may perceive it as "being evaluated again." Asking, "Can I share my opinion?" signals respect for the child's autonomy.
④ Praise the process and courage rather than the outcome: If parents only give praise based on results, children will continue to try to prove their love through outcomes. Conversations like, "I can feel that you struggled to make that choice," or "Thank you for sharing, it must have been difficult," directly impact the child's internal self-efficacy.
⑤ Apologize as 'people to people' rather than 'parent to child': Saying, "I was too cold back then. I'm sorry" does not undermine authority but signals the maturation of the relationship. This is why 'mutual responsibility' is repeatedly mentioned as an important element in adult relationships.
▲Five practices children can do
① Don’t be ashamed to say, "I need recognition": The desire for recognition is not a weakness but a relational need. Hiding it will cause emotions to burst out in other ways.
② Don’t fix the standard of recognition solely on parents: Psychology suggests that if self-worth is determined only by external approval, life stability can be shaken. It is advisable to build a support network distributed among trusted peers, friends, mentors, and partners.
③ Create 'boundaries in relationships' (especially in family and work relationships): When there are dual relationships like mother-son and agency relationships, conflicts can easily escalate. It is key to separate work rules (meeting methods, feedback channels) from family conversations (emotional sharing) to create boundaries.
④ Train to provide to yourself what you did not receive from your parents: 'Self-reparenting' is introduced as an approach where the adult self cares for unmet emotional needs from the past. This alleviates the structure of thinking, "My parents must change for me to be okay."
⑤ If repeated wounds are significant, consider counseling or therapy: If family conflicts lead to depression, anxiety, self-blame, or sleep issues, individual therapy or family counseling can provide realistic help.
